Grief and Loss

Grief is a journey that we all take.  And unfortunately, there is no map provided.  If you are the type of person who can go on a trip not knowing where you will be staying or where you are going to end up, you may find the journey of grief a little less stressful.  If you are an individual who always plans ahead, has reservations waiting and has every part of your journey planned, you may find your grief journey to be very unsettling.

Perhaps the most frequent question asked by someone who has  lost a loved one to death is “What stage of grief am I in?”  Many years ago Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about the stages of dying.  Somehow, over the years they have been applied to the grief process.    Grief is as unique as the individual who is experiencing it.

People often think that grief will end after the first year.  In reality we will always miss the person.  The first year is difficult due to all the ‘firsts’.  There’s the first holiday, the first anniversary, but also the first May 2, the first Tuesday in August.  The second year is different.  Different doesn’t always feel better.  What the second year brings is experience.  Individuals have survived the ‘firsts’.  Many bereaved individuals expect to feel joyful again after the first anniversary of the death.  It can be frightening and upsetting when this doesn’t occur.  What is helpful is for people to talk about the loss, to share their memories.  This helps the bereaved individual know that though life is never the same, and though they will always miss the person, life continues and it’s our memories that no one can take from us.  Sharing the memories helps us heal.  Family and friends often have difficulty listening to stories over and over, so often support groups provide a safe haven for those who are grieving.

However, a person grieves and whereever they are on their journey is where they are supposed to be.